The main thing in the itinerary of what I will be attending to in revision is adding quotes to my body paragraphs using Barclay’s formula. I’m going to be comparing the two peer essays together, and comparing Pollan’s essay with an essay from the archive. With the peer and archive essays, I’ll set them up by explaining who wrote them and what the author is trying to convey, notably the cultural or emotional influence of the meals. I’ll explain what America used to be like, and why I believe in my thesis. I’ll add a personal anecdote to the introduction to welcome in the reader. Perhaps I’ll also add a rhetorical question. Something that I didn’t really consider before peer review was including evidence for the opposing side of my argument. For example, I could mention how in some cases, convenient foods are necessary and can be more cost effective, which can help struggling families. Some advice that one of my friends gave me was to make my claims less superlative. Although they can be eye-catching, I should word my claims in a way that I can actually support them with evidence. Finally, I feel like my conclusion is kind of lacking, so I’ll probably add more substance to it.
