Some of the smaller things in my itinerary of what I will be attending to during the revision of my draft are merging sentences together, trimming down quotes, and adding topic sentences. There are also some bigger things that I will have to change. I am very aware that my introduction consists of only my thesis, and that my conclusion is nonexistent. I will be building upon my thesis and turning it into more of a discussion topic, as well as fleshing out a conclusion. In my introduction, I will open with what people consider about food, and then explain my own moral senses about food. Also in the introduction, I will introduce and summarize the essays I’ll be working with and give context. Deeper into the essay, I’ll explain who Joel Salatin is and his importance. In this project, I will be more cognisant of transition words and sentences. I will use transition words to link together conflicting ideas and use transition sentences to link paragraphs. The most cursory problem of my essay is that the paragraphs I have created don’t have any connection to each other yet. Along with ordering them differently, I’ll add in some Barclay-style quotes. I realized that I should only be using two sources, so I’ll be removing references to the Mann essay and only keeping references to Pollan’s and Wallace’s essays.
